Valuable Life Lessons from Elaine Benes

I figure because Seinfeld beauty, Elaine Benes, worked in publishing, this is a good enough excuse to list some of the gems she’s taught me over the years. I wanna show my reverence for this gorgeous babe with the wall of hair – and prove that all those hours watching Seinfeld were definitely not a waste of time (how can they be if I got an education from it, right?!). [Also that cover photo is the David Puddy statue I have on my bedside table– yes I’m that kind of fan: ‘you gotta question? you ask the eight ball’]

  1. How to dance like a diamond
  2. The importance of making sure your nipple isn’t exposed on your Christmas card
  3. If somebody cannot spare a square when you’ve run out of toilet paper its very important to get your revenge
  4. Pez dispensers are funny as fuck
  5. War & Peace was not originally going to be called ‘War what is it good for?’
  6. The importance of being sponge-worthy
  7. The top of the muffin is the best bit
  8. If someone doesn’t offer you pie you should dump them
  9. If you’re trying to keep a secret don’t drink peach schnapps
  10. The Urban Sombrero is the height of fashion
  11. Sometimes being described as ‘breathtaking’ isn’t a good thing
  12. Everyone in the city should wear nametags
  13. If someone doesn’t use explanation points you should dump them
  14. Don’t buy jujyfruits on the way to the hospital
  15. To be very suspicious if a man says he has to be ‘up early’
  16. If you don’t like someone’s toupee throw it out the window
  17. It’s really hard to talk to someone if they have a goutier
  18. If you’re trying to avoid talking to a taxi driver don’t pretend to be deaf cause they might catch you hearing

Seriously though, in my opinion she was one of the best written female characters in comedy. She’s also a bit of a style icon to me and I love how ballsy she was, how if she had an opinion she was never afraid to say it loudly, and in all honesty a small part of me was inspired to study publishing in the first place to be a bit more like her.