Copies of Mills & Boon I’ve found at the salvo’s part 4.

Even though The Smiths were an integral part of my angsty teen years, I’ve never actually read Morrissey’s autobiography or dabblings into fiction. I have however read the sex scene from List of the Lost which won him the 23rd Bad Sex in fiction award, and my god, I can’t stress enough what a worthy winner it was.

On that note, here are some more copies of Mills and Boon I’ve had the pleasure of finding while browsing around op-shops. I really don’t know if its possible for a book to top Morrissey’s description of the timeless art of seduction, but these do look like maybe they could compete.

I really have no clue whats happening on the False Impressions cover but the bitter price of love seems to be one shirt. Also funnily enough my darkest dreams usually feature one peacock too.

But isn’t solitaire a one player game?

I don’t care if her sister’s hotter you’re not allowed to swap willy nilly. Also love how I found a cover where the male character is wearing a full grey tracksuit.

Copies of Mills & Boon I’ve found at the Salvos part 3.

I’ve never understood why people would read 50 Shades of Grey to get all enticed when Chuck Tingle books exist! But I do have a conspiracy theory that 50 Shades is secretly about paint samples and advertising is just playing up the sex angle, AND everyone who’s read it is far too embarrassed to admit it, so the myth that its about whips and whatnot lives on.

Anyway enough about filthy paint sample porn, here are some more delightful Mills & Boon finds which – if I’m going by the titles, seem as though they could be equally as disturbing.

How the fuck do you marry someone by mistake? Also where is this secret baby? In the basement or something?

My favourite thing about The Heiress and The Sheriff cover is that the Sheriff has a framed photo of himself.  I don’t think anybody wants to know what he’s planning on doing with the sax that it hurts so good?

I have some heartbreaking news for the Country Doctor – you’re not actually allowed to crack onto your patients.

Copies of Mills & Boon from Op-shops

I have a theory that nothing sexual has ever actually happened in a Mills and Boon book and that everybody who’s reading them just has a filthy mind. I mean the phrase ‘throbbing manhood’ could easily mean a general and perfectly innocent enthusiasm about doing some manly activities like building a hut or chopping some wood – get your mind out the gutter people!!!!

Anyway, I found a really large box of somebody’s old Mills and Boon collection at an op shop near my place called Posh (and as the name suggests Posh is there for when you want to class shit up!).

Lord knows why you’d want to chuck these diamonds out. They look almost as enticing as my Mum’s ironing board coverUntitled

(The towel has faded over the years, the dirty great flirt.)

Here are some pictures of the covers which seemed the most concerning:

(dude don’t tell her she’s the ‘second-best bride’ or a ‘temporary wife’ to her face! That’s cold)

(Spoilers I think the ‘Bright Idea’ is that they bone. Also the Singing Tree is a terrible penis nickname)

(Dude I don’t care if your uncle is Spanish that still doesn’t make it ok that he’s trying to crack onto you)